They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
