I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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