its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
