There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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