After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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