Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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