i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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