The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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