You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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