even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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