look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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