are you still at the devil's house?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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