it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am available for nakedness
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
