This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
