Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do vagina's smell?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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