Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
