I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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