Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
