So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
