I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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