She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
