dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
