dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
