I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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