I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
