there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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