I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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