please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
