just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
