I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
