Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
