He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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