So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
