idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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