i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
