hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
