Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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