You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
