I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
