Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
