My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
