Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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