You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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