his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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