New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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