nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
