i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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