he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Randomize
