he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
