You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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