yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
