non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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