i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
