I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
