I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
