Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
