just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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