if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
