5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
