If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
