And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
