Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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