I will die if light touches me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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