i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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