Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
