I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
