I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
