I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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