yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
