Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
two words...techno handjob
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
