Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
