He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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