She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
