I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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