I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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