I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize