Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
