She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So many bounce houses so little time
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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