True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
