she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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