Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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