How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize